The Six Degrees Of Matt Cooke (Updated 3/15)
After all the whining and sniveling coming out of Ottawa after Matt Cooke accidentally injured Erik Karlsson, it would be easy to blame all the ills of the NHL on Matt Cooke. And that’s exactly what we’re going to do.
Whenever a player is injured on a questionable hit, our assumption will be that it is Matt Cooke’s fault. So, based on the infamous “Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon,” we will find easy ways to link Matt Cooke to every malicious hit in the NHL. We also welcome your input in the comments section. If they are worthy, they will be added to the main story. And away we go.
March 13, 2013. Corey Perry hit Jason Zucker late and in the head. Perry plays with Ben Lovejoy. Lovejoy played with Matt Cooke. Matt Cooke is guilty in the second degree. Four game suspension for Cooke.
March 7, 2013. Tyson Strachan blindsided Jason Chimura. Strachan plays with Tomas Fleischmann. Fleischmann played with Matt Cooke in Washington. Matt Cooke is guilty in the third degree.
March 4, 2013. Patrick Kaleta cross checked Brad Richards into the boards. Kaleta plays with Jordan Leopold. Leopold played with Matt Cooke. Matt Cooke’s fault in the second degree.
March 2, 2013. Daniel Alfredsson cross checked Zac Rinaldo in the head. Alfredsson plays with Sergei Gonchar. Gonchar played with Matt Cooke. Matt Cooke’s fault.
March 2, 2013. Harry Zolnierczyk (again) left his feet to hit Ottawa’s Mike Lundin in the head. Zolnierczyk plays with Max Talbot. Talbot played with Matt Cooke. Matt Cooke’s fault.
February 28, 2013. Jamie Benn violently cross-checked Ryan Jones. Benn plays with Alex Goligoski. Goligoski played with Matt Cooke. Thus, Matt Cooke did it.
February 27, 2013. Harry Zolnierczyk possibly kneed Mathieu Perreault. Zolnierczyk plays with Max Talbot. Talbot played with Matt Cooke. Matt Cooke’s fault.
February 23, 2013. Max Pacioretty boarded the Rangers’ Ryan McDonagh Pacioretty plays for Michel Therrien. Michel Therrien coached Matt Cooke in Pittsburgh in 2008-09. McDonagh’s injury is Matt Cooke’s fault.
February 22, 2013. Eric Gudbranson concusses the Penguins’ Evgeni Malkin. This one’s easy. Gudbranson plays with Alex Kovalev. Alex Kovalev played with Matt Cooke. Malkin’s injury is Matt Cooke’s fault.
February 21, 2013. Edmonton’s Taylor Hall knees Minnesota’s Cal Clutterbuck. Hall’s teammate is Eric Belanger. Belanger played in Washington with Chris Bourque. Bourque played with Cooke in Pittsburgh. Matt Cooke’s fault.
February 20, 2013. Colorado’s Mark Olver concusses Blues’ rookie Vladimir Tarasenko. The goalie for Olver’s team is Semyon Varlamov. Varlamov played with Brent Johnson in Washington. Brent Johnson played with Matt Cooke in Pittsburgh. Matt Cooke’s fault.
February 19, 2013. Vancouver’s Jannik Hansen elbows Chicago’s Marian Hossa. Hansen is coached by Alain Vigneault, who also coached Matt Cooke in Vancouver. Matt Cooke’s fault.