Too Much Tool as Mans Beat Boys

My Prediction

Broons 5, Pens 4. Record in predicting winner: 5-2

Even Strength Offense: D+

The object of the game is to put the puck behind the goalie. But the Gang That Makes Goalies Look Great was in fine form last night, failing on all but one of 65 attempts to put a shot past the Tool. They did generate lots of offense the last two periods (40 shots on goal), but the Tool just shut the door. The primary culprits were Malkin (9), Mr. October (8), Kennedy (6), and Dupuis (6).

Even Strength Defense: C

The Broons dominated the first period, but couldn’t beat Fleury. In the second, though, they got two past him. The first was just kind of a lucky bounce. Adams was all over Daddy’s Boy Campbell, but Campbell somehow put it in. The second came when the Broons got a three on two and caught Bortuzzo flopping to block the shot.

*Power Play: *

It is so indescribably horrendous that I can’t even come up with a grade. I don’t care how good the opposing goalie is. If you cannot score in 3:10 of 5 on 3, then you’re just wasting your time on the ice. And yes, that includes 2 full minutes in one chunk. I said it last year and I’ll say it again. Anybody who voted for Bylsma for Jack Adams needs to watch the Pens’ power play for about an hour and then tell us if they would still vote the same way. I will also say again that the reason the power play is dysfunctional is because Sid and Geno working together makes it that way. They both want to be in the same spot, and opponents know it. Then you have Sullivan out there, which means teams are only playing three on four, as they can ignore him. You have Mr. October, who is up to his last year tricks. Then you have them trying to feed Kunitz two feet from the goalie. It is just ridiculous. I have gone back to last year’s method of leaving the room when they get a man advantage.

Pick the best adjective: abhorrent, abominable, appalling, awful, beastly,cruel, detestable, disagreeable, disgusting,dreadful, eerie, execrable, fearful, frightful,ghastly, grim, grisly, gross, gruesome, heinous,hideous, horrible, loathsome, lousy, lurid, mean, nasty,obnoxious, offensive, repellent, revolting,scandalous, scary, shameful, shocking, terrible,terrifying, ungodly, unholy, unkind

Penalty Kill: C

Overall, it was decent. But they gave up the backbreaking third goal after Sod Brain took an incredibly dumb penalty at the end of the second. Bergeron totally undressed Niskanen, leaving Bortuzzo in no-man’s land against Seguin. Not good at all by those two.

Goaltending: B

The Broons dominated the first period but Fleury kept them off the board with some brilliant saves. He gave up the lucky bounce goal in the second, and then one he might want back when Pouliot beat him high glove. He could do nothing about the last one.

Overall: D

The effort was there. The finish was not. The Broons gave the Pens all kinds of chances, but they simply could not beat the Tool. From what Bibsy said, they got some scouting report (from Artie?) that said they needed to hesitate before shooting. That thought seemed to be in their heads way too much. Yes, sometimes you out think yourself. And the measuring stick says

And now, the rest of the story…

Sid: D

This team simply cannot afford to have him going two weeks without a goal.

Geno: D

Memo to Geno: you, too, are paid to score goals. Start doing it..

Jordan Staal: MIA

Chris Kunitz: F

His teammates should have gone after him as if he was an opponent who did that to Sid. And Shero needs to send his ass packing. He has sucked since Sid came back.

Tim The Tool Thomas: A

An outstanding performance by the old man. The Pens played well the final two periods but just couldn’t get anything past him.

Matt Cooke: F

That’s for ruining the Tool’s shutout. But the grade has nothing to do with who my fantasy team goalie is. Nothing at all.

My Wife: F

She kept saying “shutout” and it obviously jinxed the Tool. This grade also has nothing to do with who my fantasy team goalie is. Nothing at all.

Striped Buffoonery

Okay, enough already of giving the Pens 5 on 3 time. We already KNOW they can’t score on these no matter how much time you give them. So please quit torturing us with them. As a matter of fact, just quit giving them power plays altogether. It would make our lives much easier.

Free Stale Candy

He got Corvo toward the end of the game when it didn’t really matter.

Free Cookies

The stat sheet shows five. The two memorable ones came early. He nailed Seidenberg behind the net then a short time later made a delivery to McQuaid.

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A guide to the game grades can be found here.