Wings Wear Pens Down

My Prediction

Red Wings 5, Pens 2. Record in predicting winner: 7-3

Even Strength Offense: D

The only line that was even remotely a threat to score was Malkin’s. That unit was flying and did garner the only goal. Neal made a great bank pass to space and Geno flew in and ripped on past Howard. But that was it. They did generate a few good chances that got past the lucky Wings goalie, but they either hit the post or went just wide.

Even Strength Defense: D

Defensive breakdowns galore. Niskanen had a horrible giveaway on the first goal. Then the Malkin unit gave up a 3-on-1 where Staal was either lazy or injured and didn’t get back.

Power Play: SSS

Steaming pile of stink.

Penalty Kill: F

The PK is really going downhill. Last night, they gave up a wide-open slot shot to the Jackass, and he buried it.

Goaltending: C

Very, very mediocre. Fleury is in a bit of a rut right now, as is the entire team. But he needs to make a save on at least one of the goals. Yeah, none of them were his fault. But when the guy at the other end is playing so well and getting so lucky, you really need your guy to stop a couple you don’t expect him to.

Overall: D

They hung with the Wings for awhile, but eventually the Malkin line ran out of tricks. The defense broke down, and the superior team won. It was a horrible game to watch, as the teams spent the first two periods in a defensive chess match. You could leave for five minutes and not miss a thing.

And now, the rest of the story…

Geno: A

Give whatever “injury” he has to the rest of the team.

Jordan Staal: I

Let’s put it this way. If he’s hurt, it’s an I. But if he’s supposedly healthy, it’s an F. He looked like he was skating in quicksand all night.

James Neal: A

Boy, does he have chemistry with Geno!

Jason Williams: F

Gawd, the Red Wings fans had to be howling in laughter seeing the stiff they ran out of town stinking up the ice for a rival. If this is the best forward you can bring up from the minors, then you really need to look at your drafting and scouting at that position. I’d rather see Ryan Craig. At least he plays with urgency.

Steve Sullivan: F

Someone put this over the hill stiff out of his misery. He’s barely better than Williams.

Root Sports: F

Speaking of misery, that’s what we fans are subjected to every time we are forced to watch Root produce a hockey game. last night, they were in commercial when Detroit scored the eventual winner. They missed a goal last game with a sudden switch to a corner camera. Can we fire every single one of these clowns?

Striped Buffoonery

Nothing. They missed an equal amount of calls both ways.

Bibsy’s Creative Language

He broke out “pickle stabber” on the play when the puck was on the goal line.

Loathsome Homerism of the Game

In honor of Ryan Lambert, we initiate a new category. Last night Steigy said the Pens were playing better than they did in their Game 7 win over Detroit. Four Detroit goals later, I wonder if he feels the same way.

Monk Moment

I gotta give it to that Datsyuk backhand goal. Man, that was Crosby-esque. Or was it Datsyukian?

I’m on Twitter.

A guide to the game grades can be found here.