I have a confession. I only watched the first period before I could take no more. So this analysis is based only on that. I’m just lucky I’m not a professional writer who was forced to watch that excrement.

Even Strength Offense: F

They generated squat. Time after time, the Bruins dared the Pens to make the extra pass, then went the other way with it. Talk about knowing your opponent. There was never anyone in front of Rask, never anyone going for a rebound.

Even Strength Defense: H

For Hideous.The Pens are an NHL team, right? The players have learned positional hockey at some point in their careers, right? Or has it all been coached out of them?

Power Play: F

The one I saw didn’t generate anything remotely resembling a scoring chance.

Penalty Kill: I

They couldn’t even get close enough to the Bruins to commit penalties.

Goaltending: NI

As in non-issue. Goaltending was the least of the problems last night.

Overall: Z-

If I could go lower than Z, I would. This was a domination. A whipping. A drubbing. A spanking. A beatdown of epic proportions. And it was a series clincher. Some thought Game 1 was a fluke. Not me. I saw the Bruins slowly impose their will on the Pens after a shaky start. As that Game went on, Boston just had their way more and more.. And that continued last night. They gave the Pens nothing at all, and the Pens are playing like entitled little babies who don’t have to work for anything. Make no mistake, this series is 100 percent over. Sure, the Pens might win a game once they’re down 3-0, but only if Boston lets up.

And now, the rest of the story…

Sid: ZL

That would be zero leadership. How can the supposed smartest player in hockey come out and make such an idiotic play in the first minute? It just shows where his head is at right now. Strip the damn C of his chest and give it to a real leader like Orpik.

Geno: I

For invisible. That hustle he showed in Game 1 must have worn him out.

Kris Letang: F

Too bad he WASN’T invisible. He is playing himself right out of Pittsburgh in this series. The guy is just brainless. Yeah, let’s try a pass up the middle to Brooks Orpik. That’ll work. I seriously do not want to see him on this team next year

Jarome Iginla: M

For moron. Nice choice of teams, you made, moron. Or did you really just want to play for a coach who would misuse you and never get upset no matter how bad you are?

Pascal Dupuis: L

Lost. But maybe it’s because of his center.

James Neal: F

Way to shoot your wad in two games, then disappear.

Douglas Murray: F

It is quite obvious why San Jose got rid of him. he simply cannot play at this pace.

Jack Adams: F

For fire his ass, and today. Lindy Ruff or Alain Vigneault could come in today and have this team playing more intelligently by tomorrow. This is just a repeat of the Philly series, only worse. This time, Shero went out and acquired all kinds of pieces at the deadline, and look what Old Jack Adams has done with them. What I am seeing is that Clod Julien has set the perfect trap. It’s not a neutral zone trap, but a defensive zone trap. The Bruins dare the Pens to carry the puck across the line rather than dumping it. The Pens oblige. Then they spring the trap and take away all passing lanes, leaving the puck carrier nowhere to go. And Jack Adams has no answer.

Ray Shero: F

There were some (admittedly, not me) who said Shero’s deals made the Pens much slower. They were right.

Despair: F

I have never seen my wife turn off a playoff game. She did last night.

I’m on Twitter.

A guide to the game grades can be found here.