With ghosts and goblins on the mind, I got to thinking which NHL players, past and present, have ghastly faces fitting for a Halloween mask.

Not surprisingly, it didn’t take long to come across a few faces even a mother couldn’t love — you know, the ones best suited for the radio.

Sadly, these players haven’t stuck to the radio, and with their professional athlete status, their pictures appear everywhere.  But it makes you wonder, why haven’t we heard more about broken cameras?

Anyway, I’ve broken these players into several categories: "toothless terrors," "pucker up princes," and "just plain ugly."  And, at the end, we’ll take a look at a nice bonus feature that will be worth the wait…

Toothless Terrors


Alexander Ovechkin is known for many things: torching defenses, burning goalies, and crunching his opponents, to name a few. But one thing this Russian rocket doesn’t get enough credit for is his downright ugly face. Not so much creepy in a horrific way, Ovechkin has the look of a mad clown who might haunt his wrongdoers in a maze of mirrors. Without a doubt, an Ovechkin clown mask would bring about many nightmares.


And then there’s Dany Heatley, who fills a similar on-ice role as Ovechkin does. But a Heatley Halloween mask would serve an extremely different purpose.  With his beady eyes, toothless grin and curly mop, Heatley looks to be straight out of a demented horror film. I’d buy his mask…

Pucker Up Princes



Tie Domi is anything but a prince, but the title sounded good, so bear with me. When I see Domi, I think of a blockhead, someone who wouldn’t feel a sledgehammer if it hit him square on the nose. In fact, he kind of looks like he got hit with a sledgehammer square on the nose. He’s that ugly — and his face would make for one strange Halloween mask.



Ryan Smyth isn’t far behind. In fact, he might well be ahead of the blockhead. The funny thing is, Smyth’s picture to the left actually makes him look good — even with the pouting lips and flowing tears.  In reality, Smyth sports a toothless grin, a patchy beard, and about every ugly feature you can think of. These two beauties wouldn’t make for scary masks — they just don’t have the right features. But everyone has seen those hobo masks that just make you laugh.  Yeah, they’re modeled after these two.

Just Plain Ugly



Mike Ricci is a face of the past Thank God. After retiring a few years back, the NHL got a bit prettier — but not much, as evidenced by all of the gems in this freak-out piece. How can I even describe how ugly Ricci is? The hair is horrible.  The nose is horrible. The mouth is horrible.  And that’s being kind! He’s just a mess.  Poor guy. But, to his credit, a Mike Ricci face would rival any ugly mask on the market.


Good old "JR" ought to be named FUBAR. Jeremy Roenick broke into the league years ago and he’s gotten uglier with age. The picture to the left shows him squishing his face against the glass. A smashed nose and puckered lips might actually be an upgrade for this brute. Look up "hideous" in a dictionary, and Roenick’s picture appears. This dude is so ugly, he has to sneak up on a mirror.  So if you’re looking for a mask that’ll make your friends squeal, JR’s face will seal the deal.

And now, what you’ve been waiting for…

Above, we’ve looked at players whose faces would be the basis for good Halloween masks.  Below, we’ll take a look at hockey players who used their distinct features to become a double threat: athlete/actor. Feast your eyes on these mirror images.




First up, Dion Phaneuf. When I watched his Calgary Flames debut, I knew I had seen him, before. It turns out, he’s been doubling as Frankenstein for years.

Pittsburgh Penguins fans have long known that Michel Ouellet spent more time filming insurance commercials than focusing on hockey. "It’s so easy Michel Ouellet could do it."

Look closely and you’ll see a defenseman from the Philadelphia Flyers and a construction pylon. But which is which? Give up yet? Derian Hatcher is on the….left.  Tricky, eh?

Rob Zombie’s "House of 1000 Corpses" may not have been the most popular movie — which is exactly why few have mentioned longtime Vancouver Canuck Gino Odjick’s role as "Tiny," a demented member of a kill-happy family.

Let me show you something.  Battleship Kelly Buchberger spent his NHL career protecting teammates by getting beat up by better fighters.  Little did you know that he also demonstrated fire safety by blowing himself up regularly as Fire Marshall Bill on the 1990s television series, "In Living Color."

Lastly, we have Brent Sopel, a 31-year-old who starred as a young Michael Myers from the 2007 remake of classic horror flick "Halloween."
Have something to add about any of these handsome hockey players?  Know of someone who might be capable of causing a Halloween fright?  Let us know by contributing to our comments section below!