ESPN, yet again

The Entertainment and Sports Programming Network gave not only the NHL, but also the Pittsburgh Penguins yet another slap in the face this past week. I don’t want to spend too much time on this because I know Mike Adams brought this issue into your living rooms (or where ever your computer is located) already.

ESPN surveyed players from the NHL on 10 different questions about which individuals are the finest at certain qualities. Not a Penguin was to be found except for one: biggest cry baby Sidney Crosby. To add salt to the wounds, ESPN gave the most disruptive fans to the Philadelphia Flyers.

They also said that the next city that would be the best destination for the next expansion team would be Las Vegas! Since when does ESPN get to turn the other cheek to Winnipeg and Quebec City! That’s Gary Bettman’s job! Now they’re imposing on our commissioner too.

I warned you last week, ESPN…now you’ve done it! Hater list for life!

…and I know they’re feeling it.

‘Slap Shot’ take two?

Daily Variety reported that Universal Pictures is interested in “shooting” a remake of the hockey classic, ‘Slap Shot.’ Though less successful sequels were made of the movie, the initial version, starring the late Paul Newman, was never remade.

So I question the named script writers and producers (who I’m sure are reading this now), will it be shot in Johnstown, PA like the last one?

…..

Ok, I’ve figured out by now that the writers and producers aren’t reading this. But never fear, faithful readers, I’ll keep my eyes peeled and make sure you stay in the loop. More to come.

The Broadway Blue Shirts hate slumps

Not only are the Rangers in a slump, they are getting embarrassed in the process. Last Monday, New York got shut out by Marty Bro…whoops…Scott Clemmensen and the New Jersey Devils. But the big loss came last Friday in Dallas’s American Airlines Center.

The Dallas Stars had more people on the scorer’s sheet than baseball players on the latest steroids report (Ok, bad example), as they lit the lamp 10 times against the Rangers, who eventually fell 10-2.

New York welcomes the Washington Capitals to Madison Square Garden tonight.

Denmark hates Norway

In what I suppose could be considered the Battle of the Skagerrak Straight, Norway’s national hockey team defeated Denmark’s for the final spot in the 2010 Winter Olympics in Vancouver, with the score 5-3 last Sunday.

Norway will join Canada, the United States, and Switzerland in Group A.

Just because I have to mention Marian

A part of me died inside when he floated the backhand past Fleury. But I have to admit, he came to play Sunday…and Pens’ fans came ready to ‘boo’.

Boston hates San Jose

The top teams in their respective conferences squared off against one another last night as the San Jose Sharks “swam” east to Boston (getting enough of these puns?). All was going well for the Bruins until the third period when San Jose exploded with four unanswered goals, lofting them to a 5-2 win.

Boston remains atop the East with 85 points, 13 points ahead of Washington. San Jose pulled ahead of previously tied Detroit to take full control of the West with 81 points, two ahead of the Wings. San Jose, of course, comes to Pittsburgh tonight.

The Bruin without a Ryder

Boston Right Winger Michael Ryder will be out for 2-3 weeks recovering from orbital bone surgery. Ryder received three fractures on the bridge of his nose after taking a high stick from Antoine Vermette last Thursday. Three small plates were inserted into Ryder’s nose during his surgery yesterday morning.

He’s back!

Sean Avery (maybe you’ve heard of him?), a very close friend of the Hater Report for his frequent contributions, has been reinstated in hockey. The Dallas Stars, who have previously said they will not allow Avery to return but would help him find a new team, have kept their word. Though Dallas does not have an AHL affiliate, they helped him find a home with the Hartford Wolf Pack.

Ironically, Hartford is the AHL affiliate of the New York Rangers. What’s more intriguing is that Rangers’ GM Glen Sather openly agreed to the arrangement. And perhaps even more intriguing than that, Avery stated he will be making no more public comments while in Hartford and has dismissed all interview offers.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is bad news for your proprietor here at HH Report headquarters. I need someone to step up and fill the void of stupidity that Avery is abandoning. Anyone?

Marty Turco hates Mike Milbury

Phew! Good thing Milbury is still holding a microphone!

During one of Mike Milbury’s intermission rants, which for once was pretty controlled with Pierre McGuire, he called out the early-season Marty Turco, saying, “he couldn’t stop a beach ball earlier this season.” He then said that Turco has reluctantly turned things around. Which begs the question: Why did he even bring it up?

Nonetheless, keep up the good work…or, well, the work…and make sure your mouth stays open to let all the air out, Milbury. Don’t let me down!

That concludes this week’s edition of the HH Report. As always, keep an eye out for more haters in hump-days to come.

Happy hating!