Faceoff Factor

Pens/Wings Game 2 Grades

Mike Adams | Grade "A" Reviews

May 27, 08:51 AM | Hype this story!

Series over.

Offense: F

The Pens quite obviously have no answers for what Detroit is doing. Even less offensively talented teams like Nashville, Colorado, and Dallas were able to score goals against the Wings. The Pens can’t even get shots. Though I must say, they did improve upon their paltry Game 1 total of 9 even strength shots by “peppering” Chris Osbad with 16 last night. Of course, almost none of them were high quality, so the shot total is somewhat misleading. It’s like one of those games where the Islanders fire 50 shots at you, but 45 of them are from the blue line. They look like the 2003 Pens, where you feel like cheering if they complete two passes in a row. And, to boot, they have a 71 who is just as inept offensively as the one that outfit had. But at least that one got some shots on goal and was noticeable.

Defense: C

The defense was actually a bit better than in Game 1, not that it mattered. They gave up three even strength goals, but not a lot of real good chances. The first one resulted from a (guess who?) [ ] giveaway at center ice. Somehow, everyone ended up on one side, leaving Brad Stuart all alone. He had time to wind up and fire a slapper past a screened Flower. Next one, Orpik and Gonchar got outfought in front by Hank Zetterberg and Tomas Holmstrom, who both poked it past Flower. Then Letang got undressed by Valterri Filpula. That meant every defensive pair was on the ice for one goal. It’s good balance, if nothing else.

Power play: F

The Pens drew only two full power plays, which is to be expected when you don’t skate and go to the net. And, just like in Game 1, they did nothing to make Osbad even break a sweat. The “loaded” power play worked for three rounds, but it has been abysmal in this series. But they are basically playing four on four, because there is nothing but an empty shirt at the left point. Apparently, poor [ ] doesn’t feel comfortable there so he’s basically quit playing. How Jagr-esque of him. Is he dying alive yet? Unlike Game 1, faceoffs were not a factor, as they won 3 of 4 power play draws. But just because they had the puck didn’t mean they had any clue what to do with it.

Penalty kill: A

Holy cow, a bright spot. How can that be? They killed off all eight penalties doled out to them by the Striped Buffoons. It must be said that 3 of them came in the final 10 minutes when the game had already been decided. But they did efficiently kill five before that. Detroit had lots of zone time due to some inept clearing attempts, but they didn’t get that many good chances against Flower. Too bad they can’t play on the PK all game—they might have a better chance. But then again, they are basically playing shorthanded whenever [ ] is out there.

Goaltending: B

The only goal I really blame Flower for was the second one. He was a bit shaky with that one. But he was screened on the first one and Filppula made a great play on the last one. Once again, were it not for him, Detroit probably puts up a touchdown and maybe even the extra point. Most of the game was played in his end, and he kept the Pens in it through 2 ½ periods with some key saves. But it is quite obvious that no matter how many goals he allows, he will not win.

Overall: Z

As in Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Been there, done that. The Pens’ offense is a great cure for insomnia, and I actually dozed off for a bit in the third. I’m sure I didn’t miss anything except a few Wings chances. I say this series is over, because once a team establishes utter and complete domination, they will win. Once you are dominated, you do not come back and win series. And I’m not really talking about scores. I’m talking about what we all witnessed these first two games. There is no comparison between these teams, and right now, the Pens have to know it, deep down. This series will end Saturday night.

And now, the rest of the story…

: F

It goes from bad to worse for [ ]. Last night, he didn’t even muster a single shot on goal. If I was The Genius, I wouldn’t be able to speak coherently. Oh wait, sorry. Let me try again. If I was The Genius, I would sit his sorry ass and dress Taffe. That has a few upsides. One, he will give you the same output without the turnovers. Two, he will check better. Three, he’s not “tired.” And four, without [ ] in the lineup, you can actually put out a full five-man power play.

Sidney Crosby: D

He wasn’t a helluva lot better, but at least his line generated some chances. He made a great pass to Malone early on that had Malone converted instead of whiffing, maybe it turns things around. And at least he went to the net and played with a bit of passion.

The Genius: F

He has no answers for what Babcock is doing. Now we see why one was a Jack Adams candidate and the other wasn’t. The disparity in talent between these two teams isn’t as great as the games would indicate. Coaching is making it look worse than it is.

Ryan Malone: C

He played hard, but stupid. He seemed to take a penalty every other time out there (though at least one was highly dubious), and he whiffed on that glorious chance.

Darryl Sydor: A

Put him in for somebody. Anybody. Okay, Gill, Letang, or Whitney.

Hockey God: A

He isn’t going to go down without a fight, unlike some of his whipped teammates.

Greg Louganis: A

Maybe the greatest diver ever. But he is danger of losing his title to his brothers Jackass (get it, Mule?) and Ozzy Louganis. First, Jackass Louganis gets a little poke from Roberts and acts like he’s dead. He amazing rises from the ashes and is well enough to engage in fisticuffs the next shift. Yep, he was hurt. Then Ozzy Louganis gets touched by that renowned tough guy Petr Sykora, and looked like he would be hauled out in a hearse. It certainly isn’t the first time for him. Against Dallas, Mike Ribeiro taps him across the chest with the stick, and he looks like the second gunman nailed him from the grassy knoll. Some things never change. The Wings have always been known as a championship diving team since the days of Sergei Fedorov. Now it’s different guys, but the same old tired act. There is only one way to stop this, and that is to actually Hurt Ozzy Louganis. If they’re going to call penalties when you touch him and he dives, well then you might as well make it worth your while. Just dive at his knees on every scrum in front. And keep doing it until the stretcher is actually required.

Monk Moment

The 71 jersey moving around the ice without anyone in it. That is really cool. How do they do that?

Icehole of the Game

Ozzy Louganis, though I give the theatrics an A+.

Striped Buffoon Huh? Call of the Game

Okay, riddle me this, Batman. Ryan Malone is going for a loose puck that pops in the air. At about waist level, he takes a swing at it, and might have even touched it. On his follow through, he accidentally hits a Wing on the arm. He gets called for slashing. I would like Brad “Rule Book” Watson to explain this one to everyone, because I think he just made up another one.

A Guide to the Grades can be found here