Faceoff Factor

Hump-day Hater Report 11-12-08

Mike Wilson | National Hockey League

Nov 12, 03:50 PM | Hype this story!

The Penguins really hate being hated

After I called out the Penguins offense, saying that until they score at least three or more goals in their upcoming games they would remain on the hater list, they responded by scoring five goals against Edmonton Thursday night. Then, Saturday night, they scored four against the Islanders (including a shootout goal).

The Pens also knocked in seven goals in Detroit last night (in case you haven’t heard) which means that, so far, they have met my expectations.

Well, Penguins offense, if being stuck on my list is what motivates you, you’re staying on the list until you go on a ten-game win streak.

Petr Sykora hates scoring hat tricks

Apparently…since in his 857 career games, the net-filling forward has never recorded a three-goal game. This sticks out after another two-goal game against the Edmonton Oilers Thursday night. Even when the puck found him with a scoring chance, a stick got in the way, a post was rung, and I even think the puck sprouted legs once and walked away from him…anything possible to prevent this guy from scoring a hat trick seems to happen.

It’ll happen someday, Petr, don’t worry.

The Islanders hate Tyler Kennedy

So frequently, we hear about teams having “Penguin killers,” who always play well against Pittsburgh, but very few times have we heard of any current Penguins being a killer of other various mascots. Jordan Staal and the Rangers sort of (and I use the term loosely) jumps to mind.

However, Saturday night’s game on Long Island saw Tyler Kennedy’s eighth point (4 goals, 4 assists) in eight games against the Islanders by contributing two goals. Kennedy’s first NHL goal came against New York in the Nassau Veteran’s Memorial Coliseum last season.

San Jose hates Dan Ellis

The Sharks were all set to start off the season 10-0 at home in the Shark Tank but Dan Ellis was determined to put an end to that. When I use the term “San Jose hates Dan Ellis,” I mean only Dan Ellis. If not for him, Nashville would have been demolished by San Jose, who put up 57 shots against the Predators’ defense.

Had it not been for Ellis, there could have been 10-15 goals scored in one game. And, as we all know, that never happens in the NHL anym…oh wait a minute, wasn’t there some game last night with like 13 goals or something? I should look into that.

The Penguins hate Larry Wigge

Wigge, NHL.com’s senior writer, joined Sports Illustrated in predicting that the Detroit Red Wings will win back-to-back Stanley Cups. Although Wigge didn’t technically go on the record as saying they will win, he did say they have all the potential to do so.

The senior writer was also ever vigilant in pointing out that the last team to go back-to-back since the Pittsburgh Penguins in 1991 and 1992 were…you guessed it…the Detroit Red Wings. You can cut the irony with an ice skate. Now all we need is for Barry Melrose to pick Detroit to win the Cup…because San Jose knows all too well what happens when the mullet makes his pick.

The guy who sews names on jerseys hates Edmonton

With the goalie controversy in Edmonton seemingly coming to an end, an unlikely candidate to stay in the NHL is doing just that. Oiler goaltender Jeff Drouin-Deslauriers has certainly proven himself worthy of staying at the professional level, even if it be as a back-up. What makes his lengthy last name somewhat amusing is that his first name is simply Jeff.

Drouin-Deslaurier even played well when the Penguins scored 5 goals on his predecessor and allowed his team back in the game. He also aided the Oilers in a 3-2, shootout win over the New York Rangers.

But back to the name, I don’t think the professional sporting world has seen such a lengthy name with an unusually normal first name since Chris Fuamatu-Ma’afala, the NFL fullback who spent time in Pittsburgh and Jacksonville.

Olaf Kolzig hates breaking his routine

Olli the Goalie broke his routine when visiting his former team, the Washington Capitals, Monday. Kolzig spoke with the media and caught up with some old friends before the game, something he usually wouldn’t do.

As reported by NHL.com, the newly-acquired Tampa Bay Lightning goaltender said, “It was as far away from a normal routine as it gets. That’s not why it was 3-0 in the first, don’t get me wrong, but after today it’s back to business and getting back to my routine.” Sure, Olli, What’s one little loss in an important game to a divisional rival?

Everyone but Detroit fans hate Marian Hossa (and his ego)

In a recent interview Hossa said of Detroit, “It’s almost like I’ve come to an All-Star team that plays in Detroit with so many veterans, future Hall of Famers, all the hockey stars here.” Yes! How magical it all is! And the best part is you only have to take a minimal pay cut to play there! Give me a break.

Red Wing VP Steve Yzerman said of Hossa, “We’re all happy things have started well. [Marian]‘s a good all-around player. He competes hard both offensively and defensively. He would fit in well with any team, but with [Henrik] Zetterberg and [Pavel] Datsyuk and [Nicklas] Lidstrom, these are players that are good at both ends of the rink and compete hard. He has just fit in really well.”

Shall we go back a few months? (We shall) In the playoffs, Marian apparent-hockey-god-on-ice Hossa admitted he missed a lot of opportunities and couldn’t finish Crosby’s passes because they were too good. It doesn’t add up, but whatever…I’m just the writer, not the statistician.

Don’t get me wrong, the Red Wings are a solid team and they certainly are filled with future hall-of-famers. But Hossa claims he can’t believe his good fortune playing for championship teams. Well, I don’t know about anyone else, but I believe it…all too well.

The Red Wings hate Jordan Staal

Can I get a “WHAT?!”

The hat trick scoring, game-winning assister, Datsyuk pick-pocketer single-handedly sank the ship that was the Detroit Red Wings last night in Joe Louis Arena. With that performance, Jordan Staal has earned himself immunity from the hater list until I see fit to revoke it.

And that will teach Mike Babcock for saying the game is over. He should take a lesson or two from Yogi Berra.

With all of last night’s excitement, I have officially burned out my hater glands and must conclude this week’s edition of the HH Report. As always, look for more haters in hump-days to come.

Happy hating!