Faceoff Factor

Hump-day Hater Report 1-14-09

Mike Wilson | National Hockey League

Jan 14, 01:21 AM | Hype this story!

Andrew Peters hates Jarkko Ruutu

This little tidbit came into the Hater Report news room (a.k.a. my apartment room) just after last week’s edition. During the Sabres’ hosting of the Senators last Tuesday, Peters and Ruutu got into a little scrum by the benches. Ruutu’s arms were restrained at his side so he no longer had means of protecting himself. Now what happened next is something I’ve never had the pleasure to report on in all my days of hockey.

Ruutu, assumingly mistaking Peters’ wrist as a buffalo wing ( ba dum chh ), went Mike Tyson on him and bit Peters at the juncture of his wrist and lower hand. Ruutu didn’t serve any penalty time for it but was later suspended for two games.

You know, I was worried when Sean Avery was kicked out of Dallas that there wouldn’t be anyone doing anything stupid around the league to keep this column interesting. Thank you, Jarkko. Thank you.

The Music City hates Paul Steigerwald

Did anyone see that thing he did with the guitar and cowboy hat after returning from a commercial in Nashville? What was that supposed to be?

Habs’ owner doesn’t ‘hab’ to apologize

If you’ve recovered from that pun, I’ll move on…

It’s no secret that there is a lot of hype surrounding the four starting Montreal Canadiens in this year’s NHL All-Star Game. There are many fans upset that their team’s best didn’t make the starting six and think the Montreal fans are ruthless for all their voting ways.

Well recently, Canadiens’ owner George N. Gillett Jr. (not to be confused with shaving company, Gillette) came out saying he would never apologize for the “passion of the fans.” And I stand behind Mr. Gillett (of course I can’t complain, either). Put yourself in his position: say the All-Star Game is to be held in Pittsburgh’s Consol Energy Center in 2017, which would be the Penguins’ 50th anniversary. Wouldn’t all of us vote all-Penguin?

Perhaps more importantly, was there really a need for that rhetorical question?

Nonetheless, the ASG will go on!

Brendan Shanahan hates green trim

The veteran right-winger will spend his 21st season back where he started it: New Jersey. When Shanahan was drafted in 1987, the Devils had those awful white, black, red, and green jerseys that made you want to gouge your eyes out. Obviously the reason why Shanahan left, the green stripes on the jerseys have been extinct since 1992. It’s safe to return once again.

Shanahan brings his career 1340 points (650 goals, 690 assists) back to the green-less Devils.

Who?

Last night, I heard two names that I’ve not heard for some time. Apparently Jordan Staal and Miro Satan play for Pittsburgh! Did you guys know this?

Well the Titanic Duo was paired up last night on a line together with Tyler Kennedy. And, for the first time, they were seen doing something very rare: producing offense. Staal scored a beautiful backhand goal that was assisted nicely by Satan. The two also made some other attempts at this thing called offense a few more times during the game.

Now I’m not saying their performances were stellar (especially that offensive zone hooking penalty on Satan in period one), but they made progress and that’s a step in the right direction for continued success.

Everyone! Find a piece of wood (or even any wood bi-product) and knock on it! Quick!

The best of the worst

Monday night played witness to the first time the top two draft picks of that year played one another on the same sheet of ice since 2003 when Marc-Andre Fleury and Eric Staal faced one another. Steven Stamkos, the number one pick known best for his overrated-ness, and Drew Doughty, the number two pick, met in L.A. as their Lightning and Kings (respectively…in case you didn’t know) squared off.

The evening lost a little hype, however, no more than ten minutes into the first period when Tampa Bay goal-scorer Evgeny Artyukhin took a charging penalty for dropping the young Kings’ star, thus ending the draft picks’ match-up. Stamkos, unsurprisingly, was held, once again, to no points.

The American Airlines Center hates the Wings

Yes, it would’ve been the seventh straight time that the Red Wings would have won in Dallas Monday night. The Stars, however, wanted the outcome to be a little bit different. The two teams remained neck-and-neck for most of the game and, thus, like what happens in most of those situations, they went into overtime. The Stars thanked their lucky…(selves?) as Trevor Daley backhanded the winning goal past Chris Osgood less than two minutes into overtime, putting Dallas in the two-point column with the score 5-4.

Flyer fans hate Sidney Crosby

…and man, does he love it? The chanting of “Crosby sucks” in the second period was followed by two beautiful assists. On behalf of Penguin fans everywhere, I would like to thank the Flyers’ faithful for bringing out the best of Crosby once again. I also think that the fans in Mellon Arena might want to consider doing the same as Flyer fans…hey, whatever gets him motivated, right?

”Tankss foor savving my zhob, Fly-errs”

In what appeared to have been Michel Therrien’s last couple of tricks in order to keep his job (which was supposedly on the line), the coach put together Crosby, Malkin, and Cooke and also reintroduced the 1-2-2 neutral zone trap a la Montreal. Bob Errey said Therrien looked like a wiz for doing it, and I can’t agree more.

It seems so simple: the trap worked last season on their run to the finals, so why not bring it back when they can’t win a decent game. For once, the Pens clogged up the neutral zone, prevented passes, forced dump-ins, and cleared the puck. It was all so magical, like I was watching the 2008 Eastern Conference Finals.

The Matt Cooke move was impressive. And whether or not it was an accident that they found great chemistry, it still worked. Let’s hope it continues. (Still have that wood nearby? You know what to do.)

Well, folks, that concludes this week’s edition of the HH Report. As always, keep an eye out for more haters in hump-days to come.

Happy hating!